Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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