you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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