I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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