he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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