I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
