i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
