why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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