I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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