Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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