You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
