if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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