I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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