I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
