I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
