Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
