it hurts more in the daytime
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize
