Will you blow on my dice?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
