sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
