I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I need to sanitize my soul.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
