i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
