It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
