I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
