you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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