i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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