ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
