I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
