you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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