I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
