A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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