you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
They took my balls.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
