omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
