Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
