I smell stomach acid.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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