I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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