so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
