I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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