Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
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Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
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Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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