I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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