You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
