Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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