That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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