he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
