she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You made out with two different species that night
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
