That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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