Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
