Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
