My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
