Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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