You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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