How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize