You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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