this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
