I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
