i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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