goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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