listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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