oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
