My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
