Do you still have your period?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
