I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Houston, we have a blender
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
