no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
