At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
