bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
babies were throwing up all over the place
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
