he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
