There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
