So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
