Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
