He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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