Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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