dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
