I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
