Sponge bath it is.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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