Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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