me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
