how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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