I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.