she was so not down for the gang bang
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.