1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
23 People Confess The Lamest Things They’ve Ever Done To Fit In
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
These 27 Texts Prove Pets Make Better BFFs Than Humans
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.