Just fell off a train. Bad.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
