you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
