phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
