One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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