That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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