Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
