this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
