Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
